Want to quit drinking? Pay attention to your self-talk.
If want to quit drinking, your self-confidence plays a role in your ability to do so. If you can learn to observe your self-esteem and self-confidence, you can increase your capacity to quit drinking. It’s well-known that both of these constructs are predictors of success. Self-esteem and self-confidence are both constructs of the mind that influence how you perceive yourself and the world around you, your interactions, and your ability to set goals and achieve them.
Self-confidence is your current belief about your ability to do something that’s coming up in the future, whereas self-esteem is your current belief about your overall self-worth and how deserving you are of happiness, success and health. Self-talk has been a widely researched topic since at least 1880 and has been popular in sports performance, mental health, and personal development. Self-talk is a fundamental pillar in REBT and CBT, because both of these therapeutic approaches are based on the fact that how we feel is a result of how we think. Unhealthy negative thoughts create unhealthy negative moods, and this often happens without our conscious awareness.
I’d like to share three key steps involved in identifying and changing your self-talk. There are many more complexities than what I share here which you can check out in the reference list below.
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Step 1: Identify your self-talk
This involves stepping back and observing your thinking from outside of yourself without being caught up in the usual stream of thoughts. This is possibly the most challenging step because it involves recognising automatic thoughts which can be hard to do at first. Find 10 minutes to reflect on a recent negative experience such as being hungover. Write down the thoughts were going through your mind at that point. It could be something like “I’m weak” or “I’m worthless”. Then write down your feelings – you may have felt shame and guilt – followed by the thoughts when your feelings were at their strongest.
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Step 2: Question your self-talk
Once you’ve identified your thoughts, the next step is to rationalise them. For each thought, ask yourself, does this thought help or hinder you? Does this thought stop you from progressing forwards? Does this thought make logical sense? Can you find evidence for the validity of the thought?
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Step 3: Replace your self-talk
Once you’ve completed step 2, the next step is to write down different, more helpful thoughts. Rather than slating yourself, how about being more pragmatic. You could say something like “I got drunk last night even though I didn’t want to, but it doesn’t mean that I’m weak. Alcohol is an addictive substance”, or “I drank way more than I intended to drink, but there’s no evidence to show that it makes me worthless. I can still have worth and drink too much”.
With practice, perseverance and patience over weeks and months, this exercise can help to create a shift towards self-talk that’s more realistic and more compassionate, which can help you to grow your self-esteem and self-confidence. Once you start listening in, you’ll find it gets easier, and the momentum will carry you forwards.
References:
Michler Bishop F. (2019) REBT and addictions. In: Dryden, W., & Bernard, M. (Eds) REBT with diverse client problems and populations. Springer, Cham.
Dryden, W. (1999). How to accept yourself. London: Sheldon Press
Seligman, M. (2006). Learned optimism: How to change your mind and your life. New York: Vintage Books.
Trower, P., and Jones, J., (2015) Demanded wants and oughts: An overlooked distinction in REBT? Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. 33, 95-113.
Todd, D., Hardy, J. & Oliver, E. (2011). Effects of self-talk: A systematic review. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 33, 666-687.