Letting go? Easier said than done.
We hear the phrase all the time. Just let it go. Let go of resentment. Let go of self-doubt. Let go of the past. Let go of your pain.
But if you’re highly sensitive, you probably know that letting go isn’t as simple as deciding to release years of emotional weight overnight, because if that worked, you’d have done it already.
For highly sensitive women, emotions don’t just pass through like a gentle breeze. They arrive like waves, deep and unrelenting, shaping the shore of your inner world. You might find yourself holding onto things long after others have moved on, not because you want to, but because your emotions imprint themselves upon you. They linger in your body, echo in your mind, and tether you to the past.
And the most frustrating part? When people tell you to let go, what they can somtimes mean is, stop feeling this way – it’s inconvenient.
But real letting go isn’t about suppressing emotions or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about transmuting them, and allowing them to become a messenger, because neurobiologically, that’s what they are. So let’s talk about how to do that.
Why is it so hard to let go?
You can’t force yourself to let go, and anyone who tells you otherwise has never carried emotions that feel like ancient roots entwined with their very being.
The reason it’s so hard? Because emotions don’t just live in your mind. They live in your body too. Research shows that unprocessed emotions become stored physically, which is why you might experience tension, fatigue, or even chronic pain when you are carrying emotional weight (Van der Kolk, 2014). Have you ever woken up with a stiff jaw or tight shoulders when things are stressful in your life? That’s your body, taking on your feelings.
For highly sensitive people, emotions aren’t just feelings; they are messages, guides, and sometimes burdens. You don’t just experience sadness – you analyse it. You don’t just feel anger – you reflect on its origins. And when something feels unresolved, your mind searches endlessly for the missing piece.
But some wounds will never make sense. Some people will never apologise. Some stories will never have a satisfying ending. And waiting for things to be finished before you release them might mean waiting a lifetime.
That’s why real letting go is about creating closure for yourself, rather than looking for it externally.
How to let go of negative emotions
If you’re carrying emotions that feel too heavy to hold, here’s how to start the process of release.
1. Honour what you feel without resistance
If you grew up believing your emotions were too much, you might have internalised the idea that feeling deeply is somehow wrong. Maybe you tell yourself:
I shouldn’t be this upset.
It wasn’t that bad.
Other people have it worse.
But emotions don’t disappear just because we deny them – they retreat, waiting for another moment to rise. Letting go begins with allowing them space. Speak them, breathe them, let them unfold, and when you stop resisting, they will soften (Neff, 2011).
2. Write it out as though you are unburdening your heart
Journalling isn’t just about recording your thoughts; it is a sacred act of self-exploration. Let your words be raw and unfiltered. Write down what you have never spoken aloud, and let your emotions flow onto the page. Then, when you are ready, ask yourself: What am I ready to release? You don’t have to force anything. Instead, let the words exist outside of you for a moment – that itself is a form of release (Pennebaker & Smyth, 2016).
3. Release through the body – let movement and breath be your medicine
Letting go isn’t just about thinking differently. It’s about moving differently. If emotions aren’t released, they become woven into the body, stored in the jaw, the shoulders, or the belly. Next time you feel overwhelmed, shake out your body for thirty seconds. Let yourself move without self-consciousness. Go for a walk, stretch, or take deep belly breaths. With every inhale, invite in peace. With every exhale, let go of what is no longer yours to carry (Levine, 1997). Alternatively, try this alternate nostril breathing exercise, known as Nadi Shodhana pranayama, which translates as “subtle energy clearing breathing technique”.
4. Write a letter of release
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened or letting yourself or someone else off the hook. It’s about setting yourself free from pain, anger or other emotions that are holding you back. Write a letter to the person who hurt you, to yourself, or even to the past version of you who held onto pain because she didn’t know another way. Say everything that needs to be said with no holding back. Then, when you feel ready, write the words: I release this now. You don’t need to send it. The act of writing is the release itself.
5. Create your own ritual of surrender
Some wounds will never make sense, and some people will never say the words you need to hear, so instead of waiting for an external resolution, create your own. Write down what you are letting go of. Burn the paper, or tear it into tiny pieces, or release it into water, and let the wind carry away your words. Stand in nature, breathe deeply, and whisper: I set this free and I reclaim my peace. Your spirit knows what it needs. Trust it.
The truth about letting go
Letting go isn’t a single event. It’s a shift in attitude. Some days, you’ll feel light, and on other days, the past will knock on your door. When it does, don’t despair, because it’s not a sign of failure, it’s a sign of healing. And healing doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in waves, in cycles, and in layers. And you’re allowed to take your time.
References
Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. Harper Collins.
Pennebaker, J. W., & Smyth, J. M. (2016). Opening Up by Writing It Down: How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain. Guilford Publications.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin.